I’ve not written about the past 3 months because if I’m honest I didn’t want to. The past 3 months have been tough, both physically and mentally.

I’ve struggled and writing a blog post is not something which has been high on my priority list. Looking back I probably should have. If you’ve read any of my previous remote working posts some of them have turned into a self therapy sessions and that might have helped.

Let’s review.

Getting the kids back to school/preschool and my wife starting a new job in September was great. The 6/7 weeks until half term in the UK was good. We were safe. We were fed. I felt very lucky we were ok.

Then it all went a bit off.

My wife had no taste/smell of some things so decided to go and get a Covid test. It was totally the right thing to do and unfortunately it came back positive. She wasn’t feeling too bad though so we thought 2 weeks of isolation and we’d be ok.

A day later I was working away in my study, had my headphones on and between tracks I was listening to I heard a noise. I opened my study door to find my wife passed out on the landing. One of the most scariest moments I’ve ever experienced (along with my son trying to escape at 24 weeks!).

The following week or so was a blur! Working, looking after the kids and looking after a sick wife. She had some of the symptoms but not all luckily. I was on auto pilot. After about a week she started to feel better and thankfully she is back to full health now. The whole time since then however I’ve found tough. My mental health has taken a beating.

Since the beginning we’ve been super cautious. Washing our hands, hand gel and wearing masks. We’ve followed the rules however hard they’ve been and we still caught it!

It made and still does make me so angry. We see people flaunting the rules. We hear stories about people flauting the rules and they are not being impacted. They’re living their lives and having fun with what looks like no consequence and we’re paying the price. It’s not fair!

The whole scenario and other items which have happened has not helped with my mental health. At times I’ve struggled. Wanting to cry at times has happened.

The rules. Then the updated rules. Then the rules changing again has not helped planning for Christmas. Early on we decided that we would have Christmas lunch just the 4 of us and then we’d work out what we could do within the rules. It wasn’t the Christmas we wanted but it was nice. Relaxed and enjoyable with the kids. To be honest it was less stressful cooking dinner for 4 and planning to eat “when it was ready” then trying to plan dinner for more and aiming for an actual time!

The past few months weren’t all negative. I did my first public talk at dotNet Oxford in the November Lightning talks on AutoFixture which was fun. You can read about it and watch the video here.

So what am I aiming for in 2021?

I don’t know to be honest. I don’t think it’s going to be “all over” by Easter which is what a lot of people are holding on hope for. I think I will be celebrating my 38th birthday in lockdown but happy to be proved wrong. Will we make it on holiday in 2021? I hope so. Will the kids start swimming lessons again? I hope so but won’t be holding my breath. Will some sort of nomality return before my youngest starting school in September? I sure hope so!

What am I looking for in 2021 on the development front? I want to keep pushing. I want to keep learning. I want to keep blogging. I want to try something new. I want to do things I enjoy. I want to help new developers. How I’m going to do this I don’t know yet.

Until then I’m trying to relax. I’m trying to unwind. I’m trying to do some excercise to try and help with clearing my head.

I’m looking forward to 2020 to be over. I’m looking forward to what could happen in 2021 and hopefully at some point some sort of normality can start to return. I don’t think it will “all be over” by this time next year, but I hope some aspects of “normality” are starting to return.

What are you aiming for in 2021?

If you’re feeling similar and want to reach out then I’m contactable on @WestDiscGolf.